“Dear . . . , ” letters around people

What would I say, if I were able to say it…

Dear person I hate,
I spent too much time being restlessly angry at you, I think I burned all this out and am now exhausted to the point of not giving damn about you. But there is always a wish to punch you in the face.

Dear person I like,
Thank you for being near me when I throw tantrums and murmur around pointless things. I wish I could do more for you.

Dear ex boyfriend,
I must say “I’m sorry for being a douche bag”, and thank you for teaching me lesson of life.

Dear ex girlfriend,
You were hot, I was drunk, it was fun.

Dear ex best friend,
I loved you dearly, we caused one another ton of problems, but we learned a lot too. Thanks for your time.

Dear best friend,
I am still seeking you as an inspiration, as you’re there no matter the time/place/events, we’re still like sisters.

Dear *anyone*,
I must seem to you like a douche, or like a stupid twat, sometimes you might find me actually smart, good hearted, or just strange as hell. Please, take time to endure this, then if you like what you see – join up and be friends with me.

Dear Santa,
You really disappointed me by not letting me watch Matrix 3, flippin’ 4 times in a row, coz of this stupid thing like “Go to bed, so santa comes!”. But you’re still funny, You old drunken geezer.

Dear mom,
No matter your bollox, I ain’t giving into your stories no more. Enough is enough. Hope you have a good life.

Dear dad,
I wish I had trusted you sooner, paid more attention to you. But no matter what, you still have your daughter with you. Thank you for your support and patience.

Dear future me,
You better make it good! Make us proud and don’t you bloody ever give up!

Dear past me,
You were a twat, annoying twat, but with sensitive heart. You made your mistakes, thank heavens, you learned from them.

Dear person I’m jealous of,
I really wish I’d have your guts to speak up more and procrastinate in an artistic manner as you do. You are flippin’ amazing.

Dear person I had a crush on,
I never thought that you’d actually become such a hypocrite, but oh how time changes people.

Dear girlfriend,
I wish I’d have one…. but I don’t.

Dear boyfriend,
Thank you for saying “Yes”, and becoming my husband. I really hope you’re not regretting this decision.

Dear [insert URL here],
This function bedazzles the jeebies out of me each time I see it. On god no.

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