The Lighter Soul

Perhaps you’ve seen such occurrence. When you keep on thinking and thinking over many, countless, things, problems, issues and then at some point it short circuits, it just goes “puff” – smoke comes out and there is no more system working. You just have the lingering feeling of being absolutely wrong, of being unaccomplished, yet you just look up at tree tops… Look up at tree tops and enjoy how beautiful the wind is playing with autumn colored leafs.

You pay attention to how sun, although barely shining through that thick layer of autumn British clouds, but the light is felt. It is felt in this absolutely magical way, dancing on the treetops.

The notebook, that faithfully stays in backpack has a writing over it saying “More issues than VOGUE”, that keeps piled up notes of business and what nots. But it really is not surely more issues than Vogue. I guess the magazine itself, which had a celebration this year, about being the great Voge that was run by the great Editor, that goes to retirement now… It’s just that Vogue is still having more issues than me. More in sense of producing great photos, by calling Demarcelier, or any other great photographer, most likely even Toby Shaw. They have to progress in sense of making more fascinating articles, that tell stories of designers, Ladies of Business, the great accessories, clothing – that is not only pret-a-porter, but Heute Couture, the great and unique celebrations, people, editorial staff and much more… I really am not having as many issues as Vogue.

I’m not even half way of making enough issues to battle Harpers Bazaar – that had it’s 150th Issue of a celebration! (To which I sincerely am glad and thanking them for keeping on making the glossy artsy mag that many, including myself, look up to. Oh and Congrats!) And they too, make so much of a historical look back – they took a look at the first editions, at how the magazine evolved, how it prospered and how much it is involved now!

I do agree that being the Head Editor is a tough job – you have to manage the printed version of magazine, the Internet/digital one, then all the social media you’re in and other bits – it’s absolutely insane! Not really having as many Issues as them.

So why the hell did I manage to bust my pretty head about so many things?

I recently got to, once again, remind myself that I absolutely am unable to work for companies in any customer service! And that is there to add that I’m trying to open my own cafe. Yeah, not liking customer service..

No-no, but listen, I have seen so many great places and I keep on being absolutely frustrated by them. I can’t concentrate, for the life of me, to give them my 100%!

Having to battle myself is what I face in there – battle my wish to speak up about what the heck they should improve on many levels and other bits, but at the same time I understand that IF (and there IS a huge IF) I will pour that out, I’ll have undying wish to be there to help them improve. And that IS where I’m having battles – I don’t wish to make improvements for businesses that are not “asking for help” and “are not my businesses” and really am not happy to give my all for people who won’t appreciate it, or will try to shut me down, will say “nobody needs it” or any similar thing.

That once again lead me to the decision of being there for businesses who want the help. Because I am more than happy to help, as long as you REALLY want it.

Also, I don’t wish to help for free. I am also a young business woman. Why should I do something for others for free? Unless there is gain/profit, I am not willing to participate.

Selfish? Yes, maybe. But I want to be able to accomplish something in my life, not just throw aimlessly my time and power towards people/businesses that will just boot me when they feel like they have what they need. I want to accomplish MY projects.

That perhaps is why my brain was so much in stress. Yes, I stress. After battling my long depression, anxiety and other issues – I just am left with stress at times. And believe me, it’s way better than before. All thanks to my dear Husband (Thank you for supporting me. And baring with my endless ideas. You gave me the freedom to try.) .

So, what we are here for now?

In midst of our progress. Atop the floor 10, of a 100 storey building and we’re in this little office, working out our next step. We’ve got our smarts, our efforts, excitement and goal set to becoming better. That is our aim – the 100 floor. The top where we are really with our business, still with great joy about world, excitement about tomorrow and healthy dose of worries.

Wish smile and lighter heart and soul, we will… I will – go on towards my goals.

Much love xoxo

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