There is the way of black and white – the way we all perceive things in rights and wrongs, good or bad, devilish or angelic… List goes on and on with opposites.
But what if all of that was part of same thing – like two sides of same coin?
Let me go on and most likely taint all the nice there is in the world, for just a bit…
Her spirit was ever so bright, her words would encourage, her purity was to give people delight.
She kept herself up for the prince that would be there, so that her beauty of the chastity would be up for the man of her love. With angelic name Gia she walked the earth.
The screech of the tires woke her up from daydream. The man got out of the car, giving a typical shout of “Are you blind?! Can’t you see the red light?!”
Hesitantly, flustered she came to her senses : “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”.
The man snickered at her, as her eyes met his. Right then – heart went mad. The beat was audible in the ears, the breath felt like cut short, her cheeks reddening, she was weak in her knees from the way he was in front of her.
That was the first time she felt this way.
He disapprovingly waved his hand, got in car and before pushing the gas again he left with “Gosh damn, don’t be standing there with your mouth open. Freak.” .
She stumbled back a bit, her heartbeat not in least slowing down. He was rude, he was beastly, but so handsome it hurt. The air itself around him was electrifying.
Later in the day, as she kept on going with the usual, she was caught off guard the moment when she spoke to her friend:
“So there is this guy, and he’s so hot! I’ve been trying to get a date with him, but oh my, he’s so tough to reach. So difficult. But that adds to the excitement! so hard to get! But You know, I’m so going to be in his bed! I have heard rumours that he’s really bid there and every girl that slept with him can’t be pleased by anyone anymore! Oh my that just gives me heebies! But I so want to try that!” – friend was rampaging about the new prey she had. The target of her affection.
This friend was always the one close to her, since childhood, but she was a complete opposite. So open about the endeavours in the sexual desires and so up and ready it was really mad.
Usually in these situations the answer to this boasting would be along the lines of “You have to take care of yourself more. Going like like this is a strain on the body. What will you do when you find the one? Don’t you have to slow down in those tracks?” , but right now the answer shocked the friend to bits.
“Hmm, do you think that he’ll like to sleep with you too, to continue on with it?” – Gia said, her eyes out of focus, mind someplace on the mystery.
“I’d like it if we both would be a match, that would be nice. Hey, wait, what?!” – Mary turned to Gia, her eyes wide open in surprise – “Wait a bit, Gia, what did you just say? Where did that come from? Did you finally get into the adult world?”
Mary smiled and gave a giggle. She was surely now amused.
“I’m not sure…” – Gia snapped to reality, – “Wait, what did I say?”
“Whoa, really? Now you’ll pretend that never happened? Oh no girl, that ain’t happening! I definitely heard that open question!” – Mary was now on with nagging.
The night crept up, the mind was still floating. Image of that man would not leave her mind. Like it was a spell – his face, gestures, body were on repeat in Gias head.
Eventually, as she fell asleep, even in her dreams she saw him. But in there they shared kiss, he touched her, they were close…
Morning was odd in many ways. That was the first time in a lifetime that she’d wake up with wet panties. “Wet dream?” – Gia knew what it was due to all the sexual education classes in the school, but experiencing it for real was out of the ordinary.
Days went by, and every new day that passed had managed to grow her interest in that man, had managed to grow her questions about herself. She faced the great deal of a tough battle against desire.
Gia had never experienced such desire for something – someone. She now breathed to see him again. He was filling up her mind.
One rainy day, as she was going on to see Mary, once again in a daydream state, without looking in front of her – she bumped into a man. That did get her back to reality. As she looked up – it was Him.
Him – man she so desired to see again, the one who she daydreams about, who she gets this desperate about – and he’s in front of her.
“Are you blind?” – He looked at her, quizzically, really annoyed by something else, perhaps, and she just got under the anger fire.
“Um, sorry, I am sorry. I’m not blind, I just…” – Gia was trying her best to not give into weakness and leave again with just dreams of him.
“Huh? Aren’t you that twat who almost got hit my car a week ago?” – he raised his eyebrow, tilting head a bit. – “You sure have guts, or are plain crazy.”
Minutes later they were in cafe having tea. She bluntly said that he is all she thinks about, he in return listened. Later on he said that if her wish is that dire – she can call him and gave his number. He left.
She went ahead with a call few days later, making sure to get that date. Gia got what she wanted.
Restaurant with dim lights, they both at the table, fine dining and exquisite cuisine.
By then all her itches were quite mad – she was boldly requesting of him to sleep with her. He denied the request over and over.
“I’m a married man. I have no liking towards you. Even if I give in and sleep with you once – I’ll disappear forever from your life. I don’t wish to deal with anything of sort. That’d be too complicated and troublesome.” – Edwin replied.
Gia then obsessively pushed on him: “Even if once – I beg you.”
Later on – the two in bed, in some shady hotel, doing the sexual dares of her requests. Edwin went along with it. As it all finished Gia fell asleep. Edwin left.
As he did say – Gia could no longer get a hold of him. He disappeared leaving Gia with a slightly torn heart.
That teared bit led her to seeking a man that would be like Edwin. Over and over again, falling in hands, passing through one night stands – nothing could help in finding him.
Gia became the call girl of a fancy night club. Daily checking the gentlemen who came in – in her endless search for the similarities.
But she found a similar man in such a place she did not expect. A book store.
She got to speak with him, get him to go for a coffee, exchange numbers… And she lied. She lied about her purity for the reason that he’d go away the moment she’d say how many men she shared bed with. So the lied snowballed on.
Wedding, kids, life… She got with a man that reminded her of Him.
Kids in school, Gia and husband having the time for themselves, relaxing in restaurant, when she saw Edwin again – with his wife, at the table nearby, enjoying the fine lunch time.
The heart broke. She managed to keep it together until she got home. Where the endles lies and secrets broke out of her. Gias husband in surprise, absolutely in shock leaving home for a week to sort out his perks and mudded mind.
Gia spent time drinking, crying and thinking she could’ve done something back then in hotel when shared be with Edwin. Leaving her purity to him. Leaving her purity…
She left it the moment she began touching herself whilst thinking of him, since the first meeting they had.
After all what she did – she still thought she’s clean in her heart.
Husband returned, requesting long talk. So they talked. Eventually he had to point out that she’s no saint for keeping it from him, she is no saint to use him as substitute, she is a horrible woman. Yet she kept saying she’s pure.
He took kids, leaving her. The madness enveloped her. She spouted nonsense by repeating that she’s celebate, never touched maiden, the pure of the pure and that Edwin was the divine being that graced her with holly light.
No, this story is not of how madness ate her – it’s all about the ways of mind twisting up inside. The believes that we make, what we decide – the paths taken and desires that drive.
Imperfect human life.