Could not compare it to anything in life. Each step made was heavy, like the land itself was pulling on you, like gravity intensified.
The surroundings were the same as seen before. Not much ever changes in this forsaken land. Or maybe I was that oblivious to the changes. It’s just spiralling and brewing somewhere here, but as if behind a veil that divides the “here” and “there”.
“You surely need to freshen up.” – The voice of my dear other self appears. The inside voice that fumbles on your emotions, pries open all secrets and deepest desires, thoughts.
“I guess I am quite darned here with this lot.” – I try and find excuses maybe. Maybe again. But just this wight, this pull. Strong and annoying, like it draws on you slowly and surely with intent to… kill?
“What does the pen in hand feel like?” – Voice with the breath that grazes my ear. Shiver and inside tear, slowly forming at the edge of my eye.
“Feels like forever. Like I am once more holding light feather that like straw pulls the right words on page to go.” – Invisible and harsh thorns bruise legs, as I keep pace, placing one foot in front of the other.
“Do you think you’re gonna make it?” – The soft warmth of a hug, from the voice and this nostalgic feeling… The right to…
“I’m so darn tired… So very very tired.” – I nuzzle into this hug, warmth crawling on skin like a bug. Then a harsh tug and a grip. Feeling this very known thing – the familiarity of insanity.
“Come in my arms, I’m here, guarding, ready in arms. Does the melody keep you warm?”
Yes, I remember this tug to and fro. The very same. The way like before.
“Cry, my sweet dear child. I’m always here to pick up your leftovers of a being.” – The softness that does give the bitter feeling.
Tears well up in eyes, so much so, I can’t properly see.
“I’ve missed you, you see. Do you remember the night air all the way there?”
“Ah, sure. Third floor. Sky rolling above and below. Music distant, yet loud but not more than enough to perceive sound.”
“Not any more.”
“I wish to care, but it’s such a bore.”
“You’re still gonna be present, no matter how boring the lore.”
“I want to stop this and be at peace…”
“You just want to have that bit of magic released.”
“But you know how that makes me dark magic combined…”
“Honey, please, you just need a bit more time.”
“I need… you say that “i need” although I’d heed to another advice.”
“I’m created by your inner device. No need to fall into greed.”
“BUT I AM SO TIRED!”
“Shouting won’t solve situation, dear.”
Silent shout escapes lips, exhausted, parting with another set of sad depressive fits, the heart in tatters, not that for anyone it matters. The strings once more are digging in veins, like summer night dream with no refrains, and it pains, it pains and it pains…
My sole warden of sadness remains.
Soft tough and cold eyes filled with warmth. She knows each time I’d barfed from the idea of murder or suicide. Leaving there, on crossroads, beside the pole that says “Hope No More”.
Yet staring at it more and more – Just thinking, maybe I should give another go.
Cold are tips of the fingers. Tapping away at my feelings. The demon of wanders inside, keeps still, yet beside. There sure would be you – the reader I knew.
“I want to get drunk in sole loneliness.”
“That’s unlikely. You will have me to chat to.”
“Well, you’re me and I’m you.”
“That bit is true.”
“So then I’d be still in a company.”
“Unless you fall into pit and die, silly.”
“I could still be… Ah, my hand itch…”
“Itch the scratch, before I get to snatch it.”
“Like you could ever do that.”
“Yet that might be true. You smiled, didn’t you?”
I can sense piano melody. Faintly struggling to keep it going for me. The forest of the land become the place of last stand – the hideout and the truthful place to lay. The rightful place to stay. Not being stray, yet to ones dismay – fall into the shadow that comes as a warm day.
“I’ll keep being in your embrace, as long as I keep loving your grace.”
“I’ll forever stay as part of you. No matter how many hate, or love you.”
Art by Ataraxicare piece “Gemini” on ArtStation