Walking into a room full of humans trying to figure selves out, trying to find whomever capable of help in their struggles.
Pace of steps is not rushed, as I take the surroundings in, pressure building up, as I struggle to make it to the corner of the room.
They seek for words, gestures, something – for my being to be able to answer them somehow. Can I?
Eyes darting from point to point. Trying to figure something out, the trouble, the answers, eager to find… To find…
In the room full of humans, I’m standing with my darting eyes. Trying to find a snippet of answer to my questions, struggles, problems – in their movements, in their words, in their gestures…
Dragged by hand, somehow, somewhere. Pulled into madness.
Day after day it’s spinning out and swirling madly. Have lost track of when it began, or when it should end. Where does it end? Who should I cry for help?
The failures, being used, abused, trashed, abandoned… Being the one to use, trash and abandon…
Why does it still sting each time?
Crying in bed, silently pleading for the rescue of some force or someone… Just please, please, please…
I want it to end…
Heart beat in the ears, blasts that make you cry from pain, heart squeezing with suffering. I must numb, numb, numb…
Trying to forget… Forget… Forget…
Colder, much colder became my attitude and my heart. Making fog, as I breathe out the air from my lungs. I walk past busy streets.
Can you feel me?
Walking into a room full of people trying to figure themselves out, trying to find out whomever…
With an eased pace I make way to that person in the corner.
“Do you feel like swirling in adventure?” – I whisper into the ear, but the person is too preoccupied with all around to notice me. Eyes darting from place to place, seeking for answers.
“I’ll show you hell…” – I let out, as I pull my choice along into pit of darkness.
Being the guide to the madness – the shades in the alleys and pit of hardness. Seeing that “choice” cry and plead.
Maybe that’s what I need?
I’ve let go. It walked out the door a long time ago. Not needing to see horrors anymore.
What have I done?
Walking into a room full of people. Dead silence, as I no longer see their eyes, nor feel them there. Suddenly it became empty.
Silence eats the space, as my heartbeat thumps in my ears. Was there always the sound of my heart?
I close my eyes, as it doesn’t matter. Breathing out what smoke filled my lungs.
Smell of loneliness and power, then whiff of trust. Followed by bitter sadness, fail, despair and madness.
Thump of heart.
Now the whiff of warm affection tingles senses – there, beside, I saw my reflection. Thinking to self – “It’s perfection.”, as I keep staring in those green eyes.
I walk into a room that resembles a collection – of all that’s to behold, to transition, make confession. With small warmth in my heart, as I walk past the madness, I enjoy bitter sadness and smile towards my luck.
It was lips, then the eyes, then I was struck. Moments later – eyeing my luck. Heart was pounding mad, as heart misplaced – getting face red, I thought that I fled, but ended up next to you.
What do I do?
No longer there’s voice in my shout and dropped was leftover doubt. I felt that heavy load crushed and I’m no longer hushed.
New coat pulled my shoulders down and stature of new had come out. If that will be burdensome somewhere, then I’ll keep my all daring pride.
I’ll walk into room full of people and once again see eager eyes. This time though I’ll walk through to next door, holding head, breathing pride, with no doubt.
Door’s heavy and hard to the push, but opens with fine force of glory. I still feel my heart rushing pulse and life isn’t finished with story.
I walk through the door to new people. With certainty beaming in eyes. The warmth could make anyone feeble, but they’ll never jump at the sight.
No longer they’re there in the corners, but rather all over the place. It feels like their mingling with others and sharing their blessed all grace.
I’m finally out of the shadows, but sure enough that’s not the end. But knowing there’s also the others – is filling the heart with good fate.
Eventually home with some silence. And it’s dark inside of the room. Your hands wrapped around, just reminds us – that you’re really wonderful sound.