Do you really know me? [poetry]

Softly reminded of the bits of me
Like there are things, I forgot to see
I forgot to take care of self
Leaving common sense from a shelf

“god knows you deserve healthy relationship”
Hearing friend voice, just a healthy tip
Yeah, I do remember how they all went
Just like Nan Goldin, could put up a tent

Was told many times over that i see no limits
Whenever it’s anger, or consuming spirits
Yes, I’ve got flaws, as it goes – I’m human
Though, the hell y’all think in the lines of plural

I too get frustrated and jealous,
I too get exhausted and nervous
My head also gets to be jelly
And nerves come to whack in an alley

My hands also tremble and I get to mumble
When I see self in shambles,
Yet wanna pass for a normal day self
You don’t care, you just see me as another decor on a shelf

Sure, maybe I’m overreacting
Maybe my imaginative perception runs wild
Maybe I’m not about your thing
Yet you forget that I’m not such a child

In heart I wish for peace and silence
But this residing violence
Is daily yanking my sanity
And there are parts of that ruined me

Those sides that are there for someone to see…
The question of “will someone really love me”
Comes back every so goddamn often
For there’s still me who’se attached to that human, that man who I called mine at some point
That agreed to his faults and let me go, as I’ve sought…

End of being used. Mentally strained, abused…
Free to sort my own shit.
But once there… What I really did…
Was become a mess, with an utter puzzle
In the head that comes out as trouble
Paranoia, fear and sadness…
All in all – creeping over madness…
It has not even been two months…
And I’m not even over the turns
That shake inner self into constant doubts
And all I wish is to let out the shouts
But for all that the people see
It’s the face I keep, the very hard me…
Bullshit story of being alright,
As I go on fighting inner fight

But sure, I’m fucking alright.

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